Looking To The Stars

Green Arrow #31 - The Worst Comic Ever? It's a Contender.

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 06:41:58 GMT

I'm just going to get the Good Thing out of the way first and say that despite all of my problems with this book, Ollie as a character is actually written pretty well throughout.

That being said, there are a LOT of problems with this book that far negate that bit of praise.

1. In nearly every single fight scene in this book, Ollie is seen punching and kicking people... completely ignoring the quiver full of all those nice pointy ranged weapons he took his name from. Especially the ones that were built for handling whole crowds of people in a non-violent way. And we know he has glue arrows and flare arrows and the like handy because of...

2. ... the one fight scene where Ollie DOES use the trick arrows! Fighting his fellow superheroes. That's not the problem. The problem is that Ollie already fought Black Canary, Green Lantern and The Flash at the end of Justice League: Rise and Fall and made his escape using the Cosmic Key he stole from Prometheus's corpse.

It's also really unclear if this fight is happening AFTER that point, in which case one wonders why Ollie doesn't use the key to make his escape again, except as an excuse for a superhero fight scene. As it is, the fight scene here plays out without making any reference to the events that happened before... and you can interpret the way it is written to say that the scene at the end of JLA: Rise and Fall didn't happen... which REALLY makes no sense as J.T. Krul wrote both stories and you'd think he'd be able to keep the events of both books straight.

3. Hal's speech here is REALLY off, for two reasons.

First, because while Hal still takes full responsibility for what he did to Coast City in a moment of weakness, Hal can't really say he CHOSE to do what he did given that he was being mind-controlled by Parallax.

Second, Hal should know better than to give Ollie the lecture about how doing this sort of thing can get you killed. Ollie knows that just as well as Hal, his own death having come about because of a long chain of events that started with... oh yeah... Ollie killing a guy in Longbow Hunters! You'd think they'd remember that fact since Ollie's death played such a critical role in the last issue of this comics!

And speaking of weird characterization, Barry Allen's portrayal here is just jarring. It's really weird to see Barry speaking of Ollie as if they were never friends (what about Barry racing Ollie's arrows in the afterlife in Quiver?) much less going out of his way to trash talk Ollie in front of his best friend, his wife AND his son. Whatever happened to the Barry Allen - The Blue Lantern - who was a greater avatar of Hope than Superman - the man who couldn't help but be optimistic and hope for the best at all times?

4. The artwork, at times, is just hideous. Dinah, on this page for instance, looks like she's just been infected with Joker toxin. On the bright side, at least she's wearing her own costume this time...

5. Okay. So having escaped from his friends... AGAIN... Ollie's big plan is to find Electrocutioner and to kill him, by hiding out in the sewers. I can buy the idea that Barry is stupid enough not to check the sewers. I can even buy that a city in Northern California which is based on the coast can have extensive underground caves.

What I can't buy is that given the sewers/catacombs under the city are still intact given the devastation to the rest of the city.

Incidentally, remember Ollie's plan as stated here. It will be important later.

6. Did I mention that Ollie keeps punching people in this comic and doesn't use his trick arrows at all, apart from in that one fight?

Just checking.

7. Because Nobody Demanded It! Yes, this issue also brings us the return of Brian ~~Nudocerda~~ Nudocerdo - the corrupt Chief of Police/Police Commissioner from Judd Winick's run on Green Arrow.

Now, some of you may be wondering how this guy is still in power given that his incompetence and corruption was at the heart of why things were so bad in Star City during ~~No Man's Land~~ One Year Later - i.e. The LAST Time A Gang Of Super-Villains Blew Up Star City And Green Arrow Failed To Save Everyone.

That's a very good question. Shame we don't get an answer. It's a safe bet that even with Ollie's deputy mayor in charge now, the sheriff may still be too "bought" to be removed from office in spite of his blundering aggravating things during One Year Later. But this is never said outright or even hinted.

Another good question is this: Why, since this guy hates Green Arrow and everything that he stands for and has just been bucking for an excuse to bring him down for years, doesn't he make even a token effort to arrest Green Arrow at this point? He's got him dead to rights for assaulting a police officer and interfering in police business, at the very least.

And here's yet another good question; Why don't the cops know Green Arrow is wanted by The Justice League regarding a murder? You'd think with a straight arrow like Barry Allen (who is, himself, a cop in his day job) running around the city, the first thing he'd do is to tell all the cops that Green Arrow is a murderer and they should call the JLA if they see him.

8. The whole scene with Connor, which goes out of its' way to justify Meltzer's Folly from The Archer's Quest (i.e. Ollie knew about Connor's birth and faked ignorance before his death) and Winnick's character assassination from Green Arrow/Black Canary #14 (i.e. Connor gets amnesia and loses everything that made him interesting or unique, including his vegetarianism and his Buddhism).

Now, thanks to the events of Blackest Night, Connor has apparently recovered all of his memories and tells Ollie off for... well, everything. Including Ollie telling off Connor for not telling him sooner that he was Ollie's long-lost son and pretending to just be a devoted fan - a fact nobody has acknowledge since Chuck Dixon wrote that story nearly 15 years ago...

... which would be fine, except that every OTHER story that J.T. Krul brings up here is dependent on Connor having been ignorant of Ollie's abandoning him as a child and honestly believing that his mother was responsible for never telling Ollie the truth. That and for Ollie to have been lying back then, he would have had to have pulled one over on a version of Hal Jordan who had the collective omnipotence of all The Guardians of the Universe. So... yeah.

But the biggest problem is that Connor's complaints here just don't ring true. He claims to no longer believe in the Buddhist philosophy that led him to forgive Ollie for his mistakes and that he no longer respects Ollie.

So let me ask this, Connor; why are you still out here fighting gang members when your only reason for becoming a hero in the first place was to honor your father's legacy? If you no longer believe in the Buddhist teachings that enabled you to become such a great fighter, why doesn't it seem to be affecting your fighting talent? And if your idealism is not gone along with the rest of your training and personality, and you still have some sort of belief in using your training responsibly to uphold justice and/or the law, why in the many names of the frozen Hell of Buddha are you just letting your father the murderer walk way?!?

Oh, and Connor? That whole "manning up for once in your life" comment? If Ollie hadn't done that once - during Quiver - you wouldn't be around to be having this conversation. Just a reminder - your amnesia doesn't seem to be fully cured.

9. Remember how I asked you to keep in mind that Ollie's plan was apparently to run around the city, hoping to find the Electrocutioner before Barry and Hal found him?

Yeah. It seems his plan was actually to run interference so that Speedy could track down and capture The Electrocutioner.

Not that his thought balloons ever indicated this.

Or that he's ever had the time in all of this to contact Speedy.

Or the opportunity, given that cel-phone communication is probably nil given the destruction in the city and the regular JLA channels aren't available to him.

10. The general flow of time and events in this comic makes no sense! Ignoring the earlier problems regarding how Ollie seems to escape from Black Canary, Flash and Green Lantern twice and that he stole a Cosmic Key last issue that would have been REALLY useful for him to still have this issue, there still seems to be rioting in the streets of Star City, even though Justice League: Rise and Fall ended with a newspaper article showing most of the major heroes, including Green Arrow, attending a memorial service for the fallen.

You know - if Star City is holding big ceremonies/press-conferences in honor of the dead while there are still riots in the streets and people being beaten senseless by the cops... screw it, the people of Star City deserve to get blow up. Twice, even!

In the words of Linkara, THIS COMIC SUCKS! The continuity is non-existent, with the same stories being referred to or ignored as it is convenient. The artwork is very inconsistent with some characters just looking weird. And Green Arrow literally walks away from two confrontations with people who have every reason to try and stop him!

One Good Thing And One Bad Thing About Justice League: Rise And Fall Special

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 05:07:40 GMT

GOOD THING: J.T. Krul has a real feel for most of the characters and how they should sound. There's a lot of good character moments here, particularly the scenes written from Ollie and Dinah's perspectives and the scenes of Dick Grayson and Wally West working together.

BAD THING: Notice how I said MOST of the characters? There's a reason for that and the reason is that either Krul has seriously missed the mark on several characters or there's more going on here than meets the eye.

Case in point. Barry Allen and Hal Jordan go looking for The Shade, to see if he knows anything about how to find Prometheus. Shade helpfully takes them right to Prometheus' home in The Ghost Zone and notes that "they are not the first ones he's brought there." Cue the shot of Prometheus' body, with an arrow through the forehead.

Now, I know what you Starman fans are thinking - Since when is The Shade - granting that he is more anti-Hero than anti-Villain now - ever directly this helpful? Since when does The Shade rat people out for crimes? Particularly crimes of revenge? Particularly murders?

That's a very good question.

And when Shade says "first ones", is he referring to someone besides Ollie? If not, then why does he say "first ones" with the emphasis on the plural?

That's also a good question.

Yet another good question is what happened to Prometheus' helmet. The one that Ollie shot an arrow through which is now curiously absent, despite the arrow being intact inside Prometheus' shaven-skull.

And where is the drooling imbecile I.Q. (last seen in The Ghost Zone when Ollie killed Prometheus) in all of this?

It's possible that all of this is hinting at something bigger and - quite probably - Prometheus having found a way to cheat death and masquerade as another person... Perhaps The Shade? Unfortunately, it seems equally likely that Shade's characterization was screwed up and that the missing helmet is a MacGuffin that doesn't signify anything other than someone else is running around with a very dangerous weapon. Either way, it's a sad commentary that after two issues of handling these characters, I still can't tell if Krul is being clever or stupid.

The Final Verdict: Good character moments throughout, but one can't tell if there is something bigger going on here or if the clues are just plot-holes given some of the characterization. The art styles of the three artists don't blend well, either, with Black Canary's costume looking just plain ridiculous in the final pages.

Check Out My New Icon!

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 05:58:09 GMT

Free For the Sharing, But Please Give Me Credit... Behold, The Canary Facepalm!

Suitable for any and all *facepalm* worthy posts, including...

* Anything involving Frank Miller or Dave Sims
* Marvel's Girl Comics reviews
* WiR moment discussions.
* The Death of Lian Harper

And MANY More!

Cry For Justice #7 - What REALLY upsets me...

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 13:26:07 GMT

I have had a rough few days.

Tuesday, my car broke down on the way to work, leaving me stranded on the highway for an hour waiting on a tow truck. I spent another hour IN the tow truck trying to find a garage that was still open that early in the evening. I then spent another hour waiting for a friend to give me a ride home.

Wednesday, I wound up missing an entire day of work so I could sit in a garage with no reading material besides old Redbook magazines, as the time my car would be fixed got pushed further and further back.

The car repairs cleaned out my bank account AND my emergency credit card. I'll be lucky to have the gas to get to work for the next week without pawning more of my DVD collection...

... and yet, this was not enough. This 24 hours of Hell was not over yet.

I got home to find an IM from a friend telling me what had happened. I had further e-mails and messages on LiveJournal. All telling me the news.

The news? That my favorite comic writer of all time (James Robinson), the man who wrote my favorite comic series of all time (the same one which gave me my nickname) had not only found a way to make the most critically panned comic of the last year (JLA: Cry For Justice) even worse. He had done so by committing character assassination on my all-time favorite superhero, Green Arrow. And he did so by turning Cry For Justice into a third-rate remake of Longbow Hunters.

Now for those of you - like me - who have been skipping Cry For Justice since the first issue, let me explain the idea behind the series, briefly.

Sick of seeing their friends die because of supervillain attacks that could be prevented, Hal Jordan (Green Lantern) and Oliver Queen (Green Arrow) quit the Justice League to form their own team. They recruit some similarly minded heroes (Supergirl, the Ray Palmer Atom, Batwoman and Captain Marvel) and they go around torturing super-villains in order to find out about big criminal acts before they happen.

Eventually, this new team uncovers a plot by the super-villain Prometheus to murder several superheroes. This turned out to be a feint regarding a greater plan to use the JLA's own teleporters to destroy the hometowns of numerous superheroes by sucking them into the void. This plan is revealed after Prometheus (who has been masquerading as Captain Marvel this whole time) somehow severs the arm of Roy Harper (aka Red Arrow).

The series has been panned by critics and fans for a number of reasons that aren't worth going into at the moment. Suffice it to say that all of those complaints were a drop in the bucket compared to the bile that has risen regarding Issue #7.

To make a long story short, Prometheus blows up Star City - Green Arrow's hometown - to show that his is serious and threatens to destroy 50 more cities if he isn't let go. Reluctantly, the heroes let him escape to his personal dimension. Ollie and company find out that among those killed in the destruction was Lian Harper - Roy's daughter and Ollie's granddaughter.

Upon returning home, Prometheus gloats and lets his guard down. Enough that he doesn't see the arrow with his name on it coming...

Now, there are a lot of reasons why people are upset about this story.

The Lian Harper fans are upset that she's been killed off for the obvious reasons but also because this death has come at a time when DC Editorial is making a big deal about making the universe lighten-up. It's harder to come up with many things darker than killing a little girl to give her father and grandfather more angst.

The old-school DC Comics fans are pissed for pretty much the same reason above - more death and angst. With a young girl, no less.

The Women In Refrigerators crowd is upset because Lian has become the latest statistic - one more female character sacrificed upon the altar of Drama, in the name of giving a male character motivation.

The Roy Harper fans are upset that all of these bad things happened to him as a secondary consideration. Yes, he has suffered, but not because of anything he was doing as a character. He was a supporting cast member in this story and - by proxy - Roy's injury was less about developing Roy as a character and more about pushing Ollie one step closer to the line he crosses at the end of this issue.

And then there's all the James Robinson fans who can't believe that the man who gave us Leave It To Chance, Starman and The Golden Age could ever be responsible for... this. Those of us who cry so we do not rage and rage so we do not cry. Like the kid who watched Shoeless Joe Jackson leaving the courthouse, we want to cry out, "Say It Ain't So, James! Say It Ain't So!"

These are all fine reasons to be upset. But that's not what has me upset.

What has me upset is not what has happened or even why it happened, but WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT.

The only reason this was done was to set up two upcoming stories - The Rise of Arsenal and The Fall of Green Arrow.

From the DC Comics NewsBlog

... the hunter becomes the hunted ... as the FALL OF GREEN ARROW begins. I personally guarantee that Ollie’s life will be drastically changed following these two issues, as the Justice League of America comes after the Emerald Archer.

Roy Harper’s lost his arm, his daughter and now a chance at revenge. What does Red Arrow think of his former mentor’s killing spree, and what dark path is he journeying toward that even his friends and teammates won’t be able to prevent?

This too, has a lot of people upset.

Quite a bit of the fan base is upset that Cry For Justice is being used as a springboard for any story, much less THIS one, after all of the various continuity conflicts and bad characterization that filled Cry For Justice.

(To mention a few brief examples, how Ray Palmer - the man held up as an avatar of compassion for his enemies in Blackest Night is pictured gleefully torturing supervillains in Cry For Justice and how Oliver Queen - the one hero who objected to the torture and the idea of using extreme violence throughout Cry For Justice - ends the story by killing a villain.)

The Roy Harper fans are less than happy with the implication that the end result of Cry For Justice is Roy Harper becoming a villain.

And the Green Arrow fans are downright pissed that - at a time when DC Comics is boasting about how things are going to lighten up and be happy and wonderful post-Blackest Night - our hero is going to become a pariah among his own kind and a fugitive from justice.

And THAT, is what has me the most upset about all of this. That all of this death and stupidity has been brought about to set up that story: Green Arrow kills someone and the entire world turns against him.

Is it because I hold to the idea that Ollie is too good of a good guy to ever kill someone?

No. Given what happened to his city, his son and his granddaughter, I'd be very surprised if he COULD hold his temper in check. In fact, given how she gets when she's in Mama Bear mode, I'm amazed Dinah didn't beat him to it.

Is it because this basic idea was already done nearly 25 years ago in The Longbow Hunters (Ollie kills to avenge a loved one) and later on in Mike Grell's Green Arrow run during The Black Arrow Saga (Green Arrow #35-38. Ollie is accused of a crime and becomes a fugitive)?

No, but it is a bit worrisome that the one old-school Green Arrow story they keep in print in TP format is now being ignored for the purposes of acting like Ollie has never killed in the past under questionable circumstances.

What really bothers me is that it makes no frelling sense for the vast majority of The Justice League and most of the big-name heroes to have ANY issue at all with Ollie's actions here.

Superman? I can't imagine he'd be happy about Ollie doing this but it's not like he can throw stones. After all, he became judge, jury and executioner for three Kryptonian super-criminals in a parallel dimension.

Wonder Woman? Ignoring that the Amazon code allows for killing enemies in battle and the various sentient monsters Diana has killed for being a threat to humanity (Medusa ring a bell?), there is also that incident with Maxwell Lord to consider.

Batman? Okay, he WOULD have issues with this but Bruce is still pushing up the daisies and joined the bleeding choir invisible. For now, anyway. And yes, I know Dick Grayson is Batman now. But given that he once beat The Joker to death when he thought The Joker had killed Tim Drake, I figure he'd cut Ollie some slack even ignoring Dick's friendship with Roy Harper.

The Flash? Barry Allen killed Professor Zoom to save the life of his wife. BEFORE Crisis On Infinite Earths, no less!

The Green Lanterns? They're allowed to kill in the line of duty now. Hal Jordan and John Stewart are military or ex-military, so they're likely to be understanding that some people just need killing.

Hawkman? Yes, I'm sure the guy who is basically Conan with wings and a huge mace is going to give Ollie a lecture about not losing your temper when it comes to your family.

Black Canary? Well, even if you ignore that Dinah killed to save Ollie's life in Mike Grell's Green Arrow and that Dinah tested as a killer on the magical radar of the murderer-hunting hero Harvester in Birds of Prey... again, Mama Bear instinct regarding Lian? Prometheus is just lucky Ollie got to him first and made it quick.

Yes, I am worried that this proposed story is already built on a weak foundation and that it's rehashing territory that has already been explored quite well. But even that is not what upsets me the most.

What upsets me the most is that after last week's Green Arrow book by J.T. Krul, I was really looking forward to seeing what he was going to do with the characters in this storyline. That enthusiasm is gone now, replaced with a sense of dread that this relative newcomer won't be capable of making something good grow out of the earth that James Robinson and DC Editorial have salted.

I don't envy Krul the task he has before him. Still, if nothing else, there is hope. A slim hope. A blind hope. But hope nonetheless.

Comments on Cry of Justice #7 To Come. Later.

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 04:30:52 GMT

I've already been asked in e-mail and IM if I had seen this issue (I haven't) or if I had heard the news (I have) and if I am going to write anything about Green Arrow being mistreated?

The answer to this last one is I am. But not right now. Not tonight. I'd like to see the comic in question first before I comment on it or at least some relevant scans.

Then and only then shall I unleash hell. And very likely say some very uncomplimentary things about the man I was counted as my favorite comic writer.

One Good Thing And One Bad Thing About Wonder Woman #41

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 04:26:27 GMT

GOOD THING: This. Just... this whole panel and the following scene. No context is needed. Trust me.

BAD THING: I feel very, very dirty for reading this and very, very guilty forlaughing at it as hard as I did.

The Final Verdict: I think Gail Simone just did an entire issue in the vein of the old 30s and 40s Wonder Woman stories where there were all sorts of excuses for bondage and spankings... and it is glorious!

One Good Thing And One Bad Thing About Blackest Night #7

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 04:22:08 GMT

BAD THING: This comic winds up invalidating a LOT of what we know about the DC Multiverse's cosmology. I.E., exactly why The Guardians are called The Guardians and one more reason why Earth is so vitally important to the multiverse. I imagine this could be upsetting to the purists who don't appreciate Johns' "Emotional Spectrum" and all the related concepts.

GOOD THING: This. Just... THIS. And the fact that there are still some things in comics that can surprise me.

The Final Verdict: Pure unadulterated awesome for many reasons, though some of the revelations here are somewhat questionable compared to the canon history of the DC Universe as I understand it. Still, if you can get past that, it's a wild read which explains a lot.

One Good Thing And One Bad Thing About Blackest Night: JSA #3

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 04:15:29 GMT

GOOD THING: We do get some insight into Jesse Quick's head this issue that - while not completely absolving her decision to go run with her Zombie Dad while her husband is getting his butt kicked - at least TRIES to explain her reasoning.

BAD THING: This final page, in which Mr. Terrific - the king of "Nothing Is Impossible" - explains just why the MacGuffin he put together to create a Black Lantern smiting smart-bomb can't work twice and why everything is now up to the Green Lantern Corps. Even if he couldn't get the same trick to work, this is Mr. Terrific we're talking about... he can out Batman Batman when it comes to coming up with plans!

There has to have been a more credible way to end the story. Have the Cosmic Rod break down. Have Fate warn that the stars are not right for his magics to duplicate that effect again. Have Alan Scott get hospitalized so they can't use his power anymore. Anything besides Mr. Terrific basically saying "That won't work again and there's nothing else we can do."

The Final Verdict: Easily skipped, even if you are a Blackest Night collector. Nothing much happens and - in the end - even the characters talk about how pointless their contribution to the overall story was. I expect better from James Robinson and Tony Bedard.

One Good Thing And One Bad Thing About Green Arrow #30

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 04:06:45 GMT

GOOD THING: It's hard to narrow it down to one thing, but - after eliminating any points involving snide comments about Judd Winick and certain members of the Arrow Family having been restored to their basic levels of competence and ability (Connor Hawke is back! Yay!), I would have to say the best thing about this issue is that J. T. Krul has a good handle on the characters and the history of the Green Arrow family.

BAD THING: That being said, there is still some uncertainty as to just how much of the mythos Krul is or is not declaring null and void and what points he may be confused on. Does he honestly think Ollie had a willing sexual relationship with Shado? Does he really think Ollie ever had lustful intentions for Mia? Does he take the gods-awful reboot of Ollie's relationship with Connor presented in Green Arrow/Black Canary as gospel truth even while rejecting Connor's lost talents, memories and personalities? Or is all of this Black Lantern trickery?

Sadly, at this point a case could be made for Ollie's cries of "No!" at the actions of his zombie counterpart to be either fear that the truth is finally coming out or horror at the depths to which this monster will try to manipulate his family.

The Final Verdict: Cautiously optimistic. True, the artwork is laughable at points (it looks like they started drawing Dinah from the breasts outward in some panels) and I'm still not sure just how much of the Black Lantern "lies" Krul truly intended to be real lies. Still, this is the first Green Arrow book in the last few years that didn't leave me ranting and screaming. Take that for what you will, given how notoriously picky I am. I don't know much about art but I know what i hate. And I don't hate this. Parts of it, in fact, I love.

The Readers Have Spoken!

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 22:28:10 GMT

So far, it's been 100% "Good Thing/Bad Thing With Pictures" on the Readers Poll. And that's been my preference for the reviews of late too.

So look for most of the reviews to be in this format all the time, time permitting.

Quick Reader Survey

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 04:37:38 GMT

Leave a reply here and tell me which format you prefer for the reviews.

1. Fast Thoughts - all text, no pictures.
2. Fast Thoughts - mostly text, maybe one or two pictures.
3. Good Thing/Bad Thing about the comic - no pictures.
4. Good Thing/Bad Thing about the comic - one picture for good and one picture for bad.
5. Full Reviews WITH Pictures, as often as possible.

Fast Thoughts On The Other Comics Released The Week of 02/17/2010

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 04:32:25 GMT

JOE THE BARBARIAN #2 - It's still unclear just whether or not this story is the fever dream of a diabetic going into shock or an epic fantasy where worlds collide! Of course, it could wind up being both, knowing Grant Morrison. But while the story is a bit unclear, the artwork is gorgeous and well worth the price of admission on its' own. Pick up the #1 and this issue while you can.

POWER GIRL #9 - If you only read one comic all year about a super-strong alien humanoid and her earth-manipulating sorta sidekick fighting genetically-engineered beastmen this year, make it this one!

That is all.

Blackest Night - The Week of 02/17/2010

Wed, 24 Feb 2010 04:32:11 GMT

BLACKEST NIGHT: THE FLASH #3 - Not really sure how to feel about this one, now.

On the one hand, I'm an unapologetic Geoff Johns fan and his run on The Flash was, for the most part, brilliant. Particularly the way he handled most of The Rogues.

On the other hand, I will admit that Johns has his faults and one of them is that while he is a fiend for continuity and characterization for characters that he likes, he does tend to slack off a little bit on the ones he isn't a fan of.

This is the only way I can explain why he was able to reinvent Captain Cold as a (no pun intended) stone-cold badass perfectly in line with his old appearances yet saw fit to completely ignore numerous Trickster appearances where he had become a con-man for the forces of good only to bring James Jesse back... as an FBI agent.

I mention this, because it is the only way I can explain away this issue. The scenes with Barry are okay - your standard issue Flash stuff. The scenes with The Rogues fighting their dead comrades are great. But everything falls apart in the final scene.

Stop reading now if you REALLY don't want a spoiler.

One of the subplots in this last issue is that Owen Mercer (aka Captain Boomerang II) starts feeding wannabe villains to the Black Lantern of his dad, Captain Boomerang I, having totally bought into the idea eating hearts will bring dear old dad back to life. The Rogues track him down and realize that - in desperation for ANYONE to satisfy his father - he's begun feeding his dad children. Captain Cold punts Owen into the pit Sparta-style and Owen is ripped to shreds, apparently rising as a Black Lantern himself shortly thereafter.

So what's the problem?

Well, nothing if - like me - you haven't been reading Outsiders and Batman and The Outsiders in the past few years and the only place you've seen Captain Boomerang the last few years has been as part of the new Suicide Squard. But if you HAVE been reading those books, there's a rather big problem, according to my buddy djt2445.

It seems that Owen was on The Outsiders for a while - making an honest go of being a hero - before being booted off the team by Batman. Why? Because Batman wanted him to act as an inside-man for him on Amanda Waller's new Suicide Squad, apparently trusting Owen because of his connections to Supergirl or some such.

So yeah... Owen had apparently overcome his connection to his dad and redeemed the legacy enough to have freaking BATMAN start trusting him... and now he's kidnapping children to feed to his zombie villain dad?

For shame, Geoff Johns. You fail hard.

And yet...

GREEN LANTERN #51 - ... when your heart is in all the characters, you make magic.

There's so much to like here. The two Orange Lanterns fighting each other more than hordes of Black Lanterns. The Red Lanterns trying - and failing - to recruit The Spectre as their avatar of Rage. How they eventually get Hal un-possessed. And The Spectre's attempts to try and inflict vengeance on Nekron, as ill-advised as they are. Picture perfect....

GREEN LANTERN CORPS #45 -... and yet, this book is even better.

Remember how awesome Mogo was last month? He becomes even more awesome this month.

How? You'll have to buy it and see.

A Valentine's Day Comic.

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 01:43:40 GMT

I call this one How I Spent Valentine's Day or Why I Don't Do My Own Comic.

In case you're wondering, it's because I can't even draw in MS Paint.

Fast Thoughts On The Comics Released The Week of 02/10/2010

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 01:39:56 GMT

JON SABLE: ASHES OF EDEN #5 - A fitting conclusion to a wonderful little mini-series. The true mastermind is revealed as Jon and Maggie the Cat find themselves in a death trap with the lives of millions at stake.

This is Mike Grell at his finest. I can't wait for the next Jon Sable story that is promised at the end.

QUEEN SONJA #4 - I know what you're thinking - I said this book was the Red Sonja book you should be reading... and yet, I'm only writing a few scant lines about it here. Why is that?

Well, while this is a good book, this is honestly a slow issue and Sonja doesn't do very much until the very end. Most of the issue concerns Sonja appointing a new lieutenant, who may not be what he seems and the enemies of the nation Sonja has become leader of starting to move against her. It's all set-up to next issue, in other words. But it does look gorgeous, the artwork isn't all cheesecakey and the story is gripping and promises to get better.

Red Sonja: Wrath of the Gods #1

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 01:20:23 GMT

I knew we were in trouble the minute I saw the cover.

In my humble opinion, Red Sonja is one of those characters who cannot be shown to be in a position of weakness. Peril, yes. You can show her in a monster's claws or facing down a man twice her size with a broken weapon. But she should not ever be made to look helpless, particularly on a book cover. And I can't think of any time I've ever seen the She Devil of Hyrkania looking more helpless than here, on her knees with a blade at her throat.

Things aren't much better once we get into the book proper. Walter Geovani, the artist, worked most recently on the monthly Red Sonja title during the Brian Reed days when it seemed like every other page was a splash page and the splash pages were full of cheesecake. Even by the standards of Sword and Sorcery books. Apparently the Hyrkanias, in addition to being the proudest riders and horse people in Hyboria, invented the leather thong.

Anyway, Sonja meets a boy who claims to be part of some outcast tribe. He claims that Sonja, by virtue of her red hair, must also be a part of the same tribe. Just ignore everything we know about Sonja's background... it looks like Luke Lieberman did.

After an altercation with a blonde warrior woman (whom - for some reason - nobody seems to have any issue with yet they are ready to kick Sonja out for "not being of their kind) and the payment of one big ruby, Sonja is convinced to follow the boy to his secret homeland far in the north. And here is where cheesecake meets stupidity and clashes with story in order to make something that should make sense and yet does not.

Yes. That would be Red Sonja, shivering in the cold.

On the one hand, this makes perfect sense. In a realistic world, Sonja's costume would be terribly impractical as armor and as a garment for protecting one from the elements. And that fur cloak isn't clasped tightly enough to do anything, save offer a good view of Sonja's body.

On the other hand, it's a convention of these comics that nobody ever notices the cold no matter how scanty their outfit is. This is a land before time where men were men, women were women and unholy tentacle beasts were unholy tentacle beasts.

The joke is sealed a page later when Sonja says she "does not favor the cold". Which begs the question of why she was traveling here in the first place and not in the climates where scale mail bikini is somewhat more feasible, if not practical.

Anyway, they wind up in a cave, the kid explains this was the only way to his homeland is by riding an underground river and they eventually wind up at a sealed up city. Everyone is scared and the comic ends with a whole horde of monsters breaking down the city gates and demanding the magic book that the boy is carrying.

The Final Verdict: My hopes weren't high but this may well be the worst comic I read all year. The artwork is competent enough but - as in the most recent Red Sonja books with Walter Geovani art - the pin-up factor is high with every page looking like a centerfold shot. And as in all of Luke Liberman's past Red Sonja stories, the character of Sonja is bent and hammered like a sword in the forge to fit the purposes of the story when it should be the other way around.

Go read Queen Sonja instead.

Blackest Night - The Week of 02/10/2010

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:28:30 GMT

Well, jeepers. Only one Blackest Night title this week and it was Secret Six #18.

Can we just take it as read that this book was awesome and you should be reading it?

Thank you.

Blackest Night - The Week of 02/03/2010

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 00:12:49 GMT

BLACKEST NIGHT: WONDER WOMAN #3 - I have a LOT of problems with this comic. I think this is easily the worst part of this mini. And I know that's something considering how much I ripped on Part One and Part Two.

Okay. I can forgive the fact that Max Lord is being written badly out of character, even by the standards of what happened to him in the build up to Infinite Crisis. The Black Lanterns are, after all, a gross imitation of the beings they resemble. This has been explained.

I can forgive the fact that Carol Ferris and Diana are apparently chummy. It doesn't fit in with anything in any story I've ever read but I doesn't majorly conflict with any story I've ever read either.

But there are a lot of things that I can't forgive.

I can't forgive that this story doesn't synch up with the events of Blackest Night Six or Green Lantern #50 AT ALL.

I can't forgive the fact that there are wandering hordes of civilian Black Lantern zombies here, when at no point in the whole of Blackest Night have we seen Nekron raising dead people who weren't close to a superhero.

I can't forgive that Carol is made to look horribly ineffectual in comparison to Diana regarding using the ring, when Carol has been using a Star Sapphire for over a decade and is one of the few strong-willed enough to use the Power of Love without being consumed by it.

I especially can't forgive how bad THIS scene looks...

Even in the context of a Green Lantern's energy being needed to mix with the energy of another Corps in order to disable a Black Lantern ring... it just looks BAD for two allegedly capable heroines to be presented as being basically helpless and one of them going away so that a man can save them.

But perhaps the most unforgivable aspect of this is the final battle, in which Diana is trying to bring sense to a raging-out Mera and she discovers the long-hidden dark secret that is the source of Mera's rage.

What is it? Damned if I know. It never is explained. I have some idea after Green Lantern #50 but I can't say for sure. And in a crossover where everything else has been explained so well, I find that inexcusable.

Don't waste any money on this if you haven't already.

THE QUESTION #37 - This book is fittingly named. All I have after reading it are questions. How does Shiva know Vic Sage's Black Lantern is going to show up where it does? Are we really supposed to believe that in all her years in battle, Shiva has never been shot ONCE?! How does any of this relate to what is happening elsewhere in Blackest Night? But perhaps the biggest question of all is how Greg Rucka can manage to screw up a book while co-writing with Denny O'Neil.

Fast Thoughts On The Comics Released The Week of 02/03/2010

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 20:55:29 GMT

CINDERELLA: FROM FABLETOWN WITH LOVE #4 - I love this mini-series SO much. It reminds me of why I loved Fables so much before Bill Willingham began phoning it in. And I especially loved this one - even though the shoe-making subplot has been brought to it's obvious and inevitable conclusion - because it let me see the Fables take on one of my favorite characters as a kid - Puss N'Boots.

It may be too late to catch the early issues at a reasonable price, but you should all definitely consider ordering the trade-paperback.

CONAN THE CIMMERIAN #18 - More flashbacks as we learn how Conan lost one command only to gain another, much more to his liking as a leader of fighters rather than as a leader of men.

One touch I did like here was how the cliche of Conan's boorishness and/or a princess's fickleness leading to violent conflict is avoided. Despite an undignified dismissal at the hands of his rival and Conan's angry response, Conan is still allowed to leave the kingdom unmolested and actual parts ways in relatively good circumstances.

DOCTOR WHO #8 - A stirring conclusion to last issue's cliff-hanger, with the Doctor and his new companions weathering an assault that leaves the TARDIS coming apart at the seams and The Doctor struggling to find a path back to the control room.

We do start to get a sense of The Doctor's new companions (Emily Winter and Matthew Finnegan) here, as our villain attempts to sow dissension in the ranks. Indeed, the villain offers a rather insidious explanation for why it is The Doctor seems to take on more female companions than male ones and why he only ever seems to take male companions on under duress. It's frightening but it does make a rather odd sense given most of the women The Doctor has adopted, so to speak. And it sets Matthew to questioning everything about just why he is traveling with The Doctor. Emily doesn't get quite as much development, being sort of a Rose Lite here, but at least she is presented as being spirited and competent, even if her main accomplishment here is persuading a group of aliens to take her where she needs to go.

Not a bad issue by any means but I can't help be feel sort of nonplussed at the ending. Not two issues into a story where The Doctor picks up some new companions and is getting ready to move on to new and better things... he's getting called by Martha, begging for help.

If this comic really is going to fill in some stories in the gap between Season Four and The Specials, I think it would be best if it did it free of most of the trappings of the regular series. If we are to enjoy the new companions, let us enjoy the new companions for a bit before dragging Martha back into the mix.

KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE #158 - We go back to basics with most of the comics this time around, getting several short, funny slice-of-life comics depicting the various games and events involving the gamers of Muncie, Indiana. They're all pretty funny but my favorite is Bob's understandable confusion to Weird Pete's return to a dark and illegal business that he swore off in college even as he now swears to keep it out of his turf and out of the hands of kids.

What? He means weighted dice. What did you think he was talking about?

The Gaming The Movies column continues to be a waste of paper and a sad replacement for the gamer movie reviews of Spoony from The Spoony Expriment. This month, they discuss the Underworld movies and how you can use them and other resources for your Vampire/Werewolf themed role-playing games. (sarcasm) I'm sure this is wonderful news for all of you numerous White Wolf players who had NO IDEA that these movies were here. (/sarcasm)

They even talk about other movies and book series you can use for your game. Because we really need a three-page column to tell us how you can steal ideas from Blade and Dresden Files for an RPG.

WARLORD #11 - A few more flashbacks this time around but we finally get some action toward the end and a little bit better idea of what Grell has been building us towards for the past few months as well as an explanation regarding just how the magic/science of big bad Demios has caused some of the series events to occur.

It's a must read for any fan of good fantasy.

Fast Thoughts On The Comics Released The Week of 01/27/2010

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 18:05:08 GMT

Blackest Night - The Week of 01/27/2010

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 17:21:28 GMT

The good news is that payday has come, my tab at the comic book shop is all paid up and I have all the books I wanted to get over the last month.

The bad news is that leaves me with 40-something books to cover.

Why is that bad news? Consider the effect that writing 40 something reviews in a timely manner would have on your friends' list to say nothing of my front page.

So rather than spam-bomb us all with individual reviews, I'm going to do this the old-fashioned way and just give you my Fast Thoughts on each issue, with comics scans as needed.

BLACKEST NIGHT: JSA #2 - I want to like this issue. I really do.

It was written by two writers - James Robinson and Tony Bedard - whose work I have both found extremely enjoyable (Starman and Birds of Prey) and, at times, extremely annoying (JLA: Cry For Justice and the 2008 Black Canary mini-series). They are capable of writing some truly beautiful character moments and - occasionally - completely screwing up characters in the name of story.

So I'm not sure where the finger of blame should fall here because I can easily see either of these writers... well, I don't want to say dropping the ball because this is just my opinion here... but I'd like to think that as many times as Jessie Quick has had a vision of her father, hale and hearty in the Speed Force, that she wouldn't be QUITE so quick to change into her old costume so she could go jogging with a zombie version of her dad, thus abandoning her husband during the middle of a supervillain fight.

I'm just saying.

I'm also somewhat concerned that the Earth 2 Lois Lane appears here (as does - eventually - the Earth 2 Superman) despite both apparently having been destroyed during the Blackest Night: Superman mini-series... also written by James Robinson. I know there's a lot to suggest that The Black Lanterns are capable of reforming so long as enough of the body remains... but still, it's a bit jarring to see them here after they were supposedly stopped by Superman, Superboy and Krypto.

Oy.

The artwork, at least, is gorgeous. And the action scenes are really good. It's just that a lot of the characterization is questionable. Still worth a read though.

THE ATOM AND HAWKMAN #46 - Issues like this are why I'm an unapologetic Geoff Johns fan.

As much a character study of the character of Ray Palmer aka The Atom as it is a slap-bang fight issue between two old friends (aka The Atom and Black Lantern Hawkman), Johns gives us more insight into Ray's character than we've gotten in anything I can remember reading. This includes the highly overrated Identity Crisis, which Johns manages to reference in this issue without making me feel ill.

We also, for those of you keeping track, get a clear definition of the powers of the Indigo rings. Apart from the usual flight, force-fields and energy manipulation, they can teleport to those who need them, copy the light signatures of other nearby Power Rings, heal physical wounds as well as emotional fatigue and send messages across great interstellar distances.

GREEN LANTERN #50 - Okay. It looks like I need to add a correction to what I said about The Phantom Stranger tie-in. Hal being nabbed by a Black Lantern possessed Spectre gets addressed in this issue as does the fight in Blackest Night: The Flash #2 where Barry frees the living Firestorm from the grasp of the undead one.

Sorry Geoff. I shouldn't have doubted you. So as much as I question the wisdom of Hal's plan here - to release Parallax and allow it to retake control of him again as Parallax is the only being they know of that was ever able to hold The Spectre in check - I have faith that this will turn out to be as jaw-droppingly awesome as every other thing you've written for Blackest Night so far has been.

And before anybody screams spoilers... the cover is a dead giveaway as to what has happened by issue's end.

Incidentally, I just love how the Orange Lanterns do NOTHING but argue with one another the whole issue. And the sheer joy of The Scarecrow during this scene steals the show.

Fast Thoughts On The Comics Released The Week of 01/20/2010

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 16:27:10 GMT

The good news is that payday has come, my tab at the comic book shop is all paid up and I have all the books I wanted to get over the last month.

The bad news is that leaves me with 40-something books to cover.

Why is that bad news? Consider the effect that writing 40 something reviews in a timely manner would have on your friends' list to say nothing of my front page.

So rather than spam-bomb us all with individual reviews, I'm going to do this the old-fashioned way and just give you my Fast Thoughts on each issue, with comics scans as needed.

FABLES #92 - It's a sad sign when a story about Flycatcher can't get me excited.

Don't get me wrong - this is a pretty good story. But it's still the first part of a two-part story that is taking time away from the main plot (i.e. retaking Fabletown) and it revisits a lot of characters who - quite frankly - we didn't need to see again after The Good Prince.

Flycatcher got his happy ending and it was implied that he and Red Riding Hood would eventually fall in love. We don't need to see that spelled out as we do here.

And in case you can still bring yourself to care, there's STILL nothing about Rose Red and her mental breakdown in here.

JOE THE BARBARIAN #1 - There are some things that you don't expect to go together. Orange Juice And Toothpaste. Politicians and Honesty. Grant Morrison and Subtlety. And yet, in this book, Grant Morrison has begun a series that I suspect may come to be regarded on par with those of Alan Moore, in so far as she sheer amount of activity hidden in plain sight in each panel of this book. I needed to reread it several times to get a sense of what is going on.

A fever dream brought on by a diabetic nerd failing to take his meds? A young fanboy's dreams of escaping into a better world come true? It is too early to say just what is happening here as both interpretations are equally valid at this point. All I can say is that it costs you little (just $1) to give this book a shot and see if you are as enraptured and eager to see Issue #2 as I am.

POWER GIRL #8 - I admit it was a minor concern, seeing as how there are very few Superman purists who might be upset about a character like Vartox being presented as a male Maxima but it was nice to see that Vartox's intentions were not quite as skeevy as originally thought.

This isn't just a funny book - it's a fun book. Fun in a way that has been lost in most modern comics. If you aren't reading Power Girl, then you should.

SOLOMON KANE #1 - I suppose it was inevitable that sooner or later one of Dark Horse Comics' reimagining of the works of Robert E. Howard would prove completely disappointing.

Solomon Kane is a bit of a mess all-around. Ugly, darkly-colored artwork obscures the action of a script that gives us little insight in to the characters and little reason to continue reading. I'll be passing on this in the future and I suggest you all do the same.

Blackest Night - The Week of 01/20/2010

Sun, 14 Feb 2010 15:54:57 GMT

The good news is that payday has come, my tab at the comic book shop is all paid up and I have all the books I wanted to get over the last month.

The bad news is that leaves me with 40-something books to cover.

Why is that bad news? Consider the effect that writing 40 something reviews in a timely manner would have on your friends' list to say nothing of my front page.

So rather than spam-bomb us all with individual reviews, I'm going to do this the old-fashioned way and just give you my Fast Thoughts on each issue, with comics scans as needed.

BLACKEST NIGHT: THE FLASH #2 - A wonderful issue overall, despite Scott Kolins art being a little over-inked in places. The two sub-plots are both paced well, as we see two separate battles; the first between The Rogues Gallery and their dead members - the other between two Flashes (Barry and Wally) and Blue Lantern Saint Walker against a host of Black Lanterns - both former friends and old enemies.

There's a lot of nice little touches here. I loved Captain Cold's ability to "force his heart cold" coming into play here. I loved the final splash page in which an unexpected ally shows up to save one of the Black Lanterns.

The only real complaint I have is that we could have had a whole issue of the Rogues without Barry and Wally coming into it. A lot of the Rouge fights are pushed into the background and there's a lot of interesting conflicts here that should have gotten more screen time.

Among other things I wished we could have seen in depth are a battle between both Tricksters (we see the new one running from the old one in the background of one panel) and the undead Rainbow Raider's reaction to the whole spectrum of colors he can see now - a fact that is revealed in another one-panel throw-away gag.

Still, a must read for all Rogues fans.

GREEN LANTERN CORPS #44 - Guy is a bad ass, who maintains the willpower to use a Red AND Green ring at the same time. That we knew.

What we didn't know until this issue? Mogo is an even bigger badass and not just in terms of size.

This is THE Must Read title of the crossover.

PHANTOM STRANGER #42 - There's a lot of neat ideas here but none of them seem to be connecting to the main Blackest Night storyline. That wouldn't be so bad except that some of these ideas, if true, really SHOULD be relevant to what is happening in the main book... like The Spectre being indirectly controlled by Nekron through his own host and said Black Spectre declaring that Hal Jordan must taste vengeance!

Still, The Stranger is cool as ever here. Naturally he proves quite immune to the Black Lanterns attacks and trying to draw out his heart only results in a very terrified and confused zombie. And pairing him up with Blue Devil as a partner/straight man works amazingly well.

It's just rather random how we go from a battle with The Spectre to The Stranger declaring that Boston Brand's body will be important to the coming battle and how they must recover it, leading to an encounter with Deadman that brings to light some information we already had. But it is a good read and a good issue, if not truly essential to the overall Blackest Night storyline.

Just to prove this isn't an isolated incident...

Wed, 03 Feb 2010 22:21:14 GMT

... here's a few more SuperHeroStuff.com pages that show just why most women are reluctant to believe that Comics Fandom isn't some kind of misogynist boys club.

And to make up for jumping to conclusions about this all being Marvel's fault somehow yesterday, this entire list of samples shall be 100% DC Comics T-Shirts!

Batgirl Juniors Symbol Costume T-Shirt

Made from 100% Cotton, we have the most awesome Batgirl costume t-shirt complete with her cute little belt Bat symbol, used as a cookie cutter when she's not fighting crime or doing her hair. So, when you're tired of kitchen work, doing your hair and nails and yer up fer fait'n crime and kicking in some crack thief's haid in with yer high heels... then the Batgirl Juniors Symbol Costume T-Shirt shirt's for you. Be tough! Be Batgirl tough. ... just share them cookies with me! The Batgirl Juniors Symbol Costume T-Shirt is a black, Junior Woman's T-Shirt featuring the Batgirl Symbol amd Batgirl belt (great for carrying mascara) in bright yellow!

Batgirl Running Juniors T-Shirt

The latest in our line of retro style Batgirl t-shirts. You've never done Jazzericise till you've done it with Barbara Gordon! Look at those glutes, thighs and them boobies. Everyone loves Batgirl, except the Joker! Bastard shot her in front of her own dad. Can you believe it? Yup, it's true. Look it up. This Batgirl t-shirt is a dark grey shirt with an absolutely perfect screen print of Batgirlldoing her Jazzercise. And one! And Two.. all together now.. And Three! And Four! Breeeeath people!

Wonder Woman Juniors Corset Costume T-Shirt

Made from 100% Cotton, we have the most sexy, Double D, Wonder Boobage Wonder Woman Corset Costume t-shirt. If you want to get noticed, stop traffic and have intergalactic Mandalorian bounty hunters take notice... then this Wonder Woman Juniors Corset Costume T-Shirt is the one for you. Let's face it... guys are pigs, dogs and man-whores who notice cleavage and you're just the girl to grab that attention. This Wonder Woman Juniors Corset Costume T-Shirt, complete with already built in augmentation, is a limited production shirt; Lord only knows when we they will stop making them. So, grab the Wonder Woman Juniors Corset Costume T-Shirt and stop traffic while you can on Halloween and any other night. Don't just go.. go Double D!

Supergirl Juniors Costume T-Shirt

Made from 100% Cotton, we have the Supergirl Costume Juniors T-Shirt! This Supergirl Juniors Costume T-Shirt is just the perfect costume shirt to have when you a) don't feel like dressing like a dork, b) want to save money, c) want to wear your outfit during other parts of the year. All you need is a cape, our supergirl boots and a red handbag and you're good to go. Check out our Supergirl undies too! The Supergirl Juniors Costume T-Shirt is a Junior Woman's, blue T-Shirt featuring the likeness of Supergirl's costume with yellow belt and Superman Shield Symbol!

Supergirl Distressed Blue T-Shirt

This Supergirl T-Shirt is a junior's style cut and features a purposely distressed Superman Shield Symbol on a Royal Blue T-Shirt. Ladies, buy this thing or I swear on last year's pumpkin pie Superman will be very disappointed with you...just like your husbands and boyfriends. ZA-WING!

And they wonder why some women are reluctant to get into comics...

Wed, 03 Feb 2010 03:19:03 GMT

I'm going to be on break for a while. Sudden financial difficulties necessitate me giving up comics for things like food and heat for a week or three. But that won't stop me from reporting on the latest in ~~Marvel Marketing~~ idiot fanboy stupidity.

SOURCE: Marvel Girls Rule Womens T-Shirt

Quick Quiz: What is the most offensive/creepy part of this?

a) the suggestion that women wouldn't ever buy a comic-book related t-shirt and that it would be bought for them by a man?

b) the fact that your girlfriend and your sister are apparently interchangeable? (Insert Quicksilver/Scarlet Witch joke here)

c) the discussion of fantasy harems and which superheroines would be in it?

d) describing Black Widow as "too... used"?

e) other (please use the reply function to explain)

f) all of the above

UPDATE - 2/3/10:
It seems that SuperHeroStuff.com has changed the text on the offending shirt. Thankfully, it's pretty easy to find the original text if you know where to look on the Net. Here now, for postarity, is the original text.

Made from 50% Cotton, 50% Polyester, this cream colored, woman's T-Shirt features purposely faded images of your favorite female Marvel comic book characters! Well, they're your favorite, but your girlfriend (or sister) will actually be wearing the tshirt! HUZZAH! Hmmm...Can't decide which Marvel Super-heroine I wish to add to my fantasy harem first. Spiderwoman is DEFINITELY in there. Black Widow...maybe; she's just a little too...used for me. HUZZAH! Hellcat? Absolutely. Scarlet Witch? Maybe not. She could unmake me if I forget to dry the dishes or something. Invisible Woman? YES! It's the hot mom thing! And....Marvel Girl. NOPE! Too damn whiney, not enough character and she tends to die when things get rough! Now, this Marvel tee is EXTREMELY limited, so buy the shirt, tell your girlfriend which female Marvel character you wish them to emulate, get dumped, go back to the imaginary harem.